Captain Handsome's Drink Review: Sparks

Going out tonight? Want a redbull to get started? No you don't, you want a Sparks. Sparks was created when a dirty 40 of Old English fucked himself the hottest little can of redbull he could find. The result is a powerful energy drink that will also get you drunk. Damn Straight. I first found Sparks with Spalding back at JMU during our seniour year. He was so excited "look, look! it has 6% alcohol and energy stuff" he shouts as he runs out of the 7-11 with a bagfull. We race home and crack our first Sparks and look at each other with approving grins. You know those days when your friend/roommate calls to you and asks "Are you ready to start drinking again?". Usually you think, F'that. Now you can happily say "Yes" and be closer to the pleasureful esteem giving feeling of Drunk. It is the ultimate in hangover boozin' or early night motivation. Here are the vital stats.

• Flavor: Think mild orange soda. It has a smooth flavor that goes down nice n' easy. Sparks is lightly carbonated for a smooth finish.
• Color/Clarity: Never ever look at your sparks drink. Drink exclusivly from the provided can and never pour into a glass. Sparks has the same green tint as the chemical pool that The Joker falls into in the first Batman.
• Booze: 6% alcohol. This is a powerful drink ladies and gentlemen. Think, normal beer is around 3.5% alcohol. So don't think panzy drink when you taste it. 6% dude.
• Other Ingrediants: Caffine. Sweet Caffine. Taurine - Principle Free Intercellular Amino Acid found in human tissue. Malt - beer broth brewed by black dudes with afro's
• Presentation: Large 16 oz silver can. Feels good in the hand. Again, slightly larger to avoid any declaration as a girls drink.
• Finish: Howlin Growlin' and ready to go! Drunk

I happen to love starting the night with a few Sparks but must warn you. Never drink more than 2 Sparks at one time. Drink your two as fast as you can then move on to whatever. Pounding two will give you a buzz. Leave it at that or your stomach will be in hyper drive and eventually you will poop yourself. Thats all I gotta say about Sparks.

Visit www.sparks.com