The Lame Santa List: Not Handsome

Santa, you are a sick bastard.....well I guess he gets bored the rest of the year

Holy shit. I know what my wish is. Stay outa my house.

Santa loves his ho's

A a nice pic from the year Pirate Pants tried to get a job as Santa in the Harrisonburg mall

Santa's wish list....Exlax

Santa Cat! Sorry I couldn't help myself

And My favorite Santa Picture

Handsome Santa: The Five funny Santa Pics I ould find in 5 minutes of searching.

Capt. Handsom's Walking Song of the Week 2: Wantons @ 6am

Again, my musical guru, Scampy Powers, dusted off an ol' favorite of my Southview days that I had not listened to in years. Scampy, being the 5th member of Led Zeppelin (too little too late, sorry dude) dusted off "The Wonton Song". Ever notice how I can't finish a sentance without at least one side comment. I suck. I digress. Anyhow, this is probably one of the most badass songs in the bands Repitoire. Funky, loud, and all Page Riff to start the song. This shit goes through out the entire song with loud riptastic segways into the next section of the song. John B. is killing the drums and thank god for radios b/c I can even enjoy Plant's singing without seeing his faggery. Song Rocks, but the setting of this story just elevated the whole song.

I get up at 5:fucking40 am to get ready for work. Shower, contemplate playing with myself, decide not to, shave, and put on my dragon suit. My dragon suit being a shitty $100 2 piece suit from TJ Maxx and an obnoxious pink tie. Damn. Out the door I go at 6am to walk to the bus that takes me to the subway to hell/work. My music mix is a favorite, a bunch of Led Zeppelin and Vida Blue. Good riffs from Zeppelin and thick sideband style Page McConnell funk, space, rock. Perfect stuff for crusing to work and feeling superiour to the other idiots that aren't listening to music. I am on the bus and ready to make my sprint out the door and into the subway to hopefully not watch a subway go by. As soon as the door to the bus opens for me to step out It happens. WwwweeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrDunna Dunna Du Du Na Nant. Sounds gay written but listen to the shit. I went blowin out the door with a fuck off strut. I felt like I was about to walk into a bank with a Dead Presidents Mask and Bodie callin' the shots (Point Break Reference). "I was taking shrapnal in Nam while you were crapping in your hands and whiping it on your FACE" - Gary Busey quote from Point Break. Love that one. Anyhow, I was feeling pumped. I rolled into work ready to kick ass and take names. That little riff and it set the pace for my whole day. Check the song out "The Wonton Song" and hold onto your balls cause they are gonna go flyin off. Hell Yeah. Do it!

Lyrics: The Wonton Song

-Led Zeppelin

Album: Physical Graffiti

Silent woman, in the night you cameTook my seed from my shakin' frame Same old fire, another flame and the wheel rolls on

Silent woman, through the flames you come From the deep behind the sun Kissed my nightmares, my lovin' gun Left me barely holdin' on, hold, hold

Blazin' eyes see the tremblin' hand when we know the time has come Ooh, blinded senses lose command Feel your healin' rivers run

Is it every time I fall that I think this is the one Ooh, in the darkness can you hear me call Another day has just begun Another day, yeahOoh-ooh-ooh

Silent woman, my own face does changeSome know the way it's becomeFeel my fire needs a brand-new flameand the wheel rolls on, rolls on, rolls on, rolls on, yeahRolls on